I am a married woman with a kid. Well, thankfully I
have been able to sustain this long... This subject comes to me as I was
talking to a recently married girl who is so open to make all the sacrifices
from her level to keep her new family happy and marriage a strong bond... I was
wondering how every Indian girl in most of the cases does the same... where she
first treats her in-laws at priority, then her hubby and lastly herself.
Suddenly, after few married years, everything turns vice-a-versa. You see this same lady now, taking care of her on the first hand, then comes her kid and then hubby then the in-law parents and finally her parents. Has anyone ever tried to find out the reason for this drastic change, some of the reasons are as follows:
For what, just to listen list of unfinished tasks from in-laws and also hubby also starts blaming her for not giving him time. She is generalized as being slow, remains unhappy, unorganized, mismanaged and lost all her charm of being a good wife... good daughter-in-law.
And then she has to loose job as unfortunately not only the family the corporate world also can't provide her paid leave.
Finally she decides that I have to start living for my interests, I need to have my body back in shape. I should have my job back, my charm and everything which I have lost due to marriage. I really don't know why, we the people living in urban cities feel this way.
This has been an unfortunate fate with one of my very close friend who is struggling and I'm sure many of us around are leading this kind of life, where till the time a daughter-in-law is doing home chores, she is criticized but when she stops doing again she will be blamed.
When she was newly married, she has been taking care of her family, his hubby's family becomes her family, But there was no one who took care of her...She puts all her energy when she is about to go to bed at late night, but still hear whispers, she left doing this, she was not in a mood to do this, Her MIL gossip, that she never does whatever I say to her.
When her parents ask, she says I'm very happy doing great. All is good I have been able to make my place in my family, all are very happy. But she knows deep inside her that things are not so goody-goody, which is trying to portray to her parents.
Her relatives Buas, Masi, chaha's call her until a few months as they understand that this is settling period, but she is always remains busy with the in-laws family, gradually they stop calling her, and start asking for her well being from her mother and father only. By now, they start blaming her that she forgets us, don't stay in touch, never makes any call.
So she lost touch with her extended family whom we generally call Masi's, Mama's, Bhua's, Tau's and many more cusions, who used to be her best friends before marriage.
By 2 years of marriage, she managed to settle with the in-laws family routine and tries to move ahead in her profession and searching for a professional jump, but unfortunately again, no support, this time she hears the words of family planning from everyone, her family, her in-laws family her hubby and neighbors too!
This time the level of frustration reaches to a stage where she feels that why should I become a spare goat every time. There is no one who will take care of her baby as everyone is busy in their lives, including her hubby too!
No help will come to her ever, weather this way or the other way. I really feel pity for this vicious circle of our Indian society where it's only the women who is to be blamed for everything which went wrong, but never got solace or co-operation from anyone in her family.
Still, she maintains a warm smile on her face and never speak ill about her state with anyone around, because she still cares for her family. She doesn't want her kids to be affected by the daily fights and small matters to become public.
Suddenly, after few married years, everything turns vice-a-versa. You see this same lady now, taking care of her on the first hand, then comes her kid and then hubby then the in-law parents and finally her parents. Has anyone ever tried to find out the reason for this drastic change, some of the reasons are as follows:
For what, just to listen list of unfinished tasks from in-laws and also hubby also starts blaming her for not giving him time. She is generalized as being slow, remains unhappy, unorganized, mismanaged and lost all her charm of being a good wife... good daughter-in-law.
And then she has to loose job as unfortunately not only the family the corporate world also can't provide her paid leave.
Finally she decides that I have to start living for my interests, I need to have my body back in shape. I should have my job back, my charm and everything which I have lost due to marriage. I really don't know why, we the people living in urban cities feel this way.
This has been an unfortunate fate with one of my very close friend who is struggling and I'm sure many of us around are leading this kind of life, where till the time a daughter-in-law is doing home chores, she is criticized but when she stops doing again she will be blamed.
When she was newly married, she has been taking care of her family, his hubby's family becomes her family, But there was no one who took care of her...She puts all her energy when she is about to go to bed at late night, but still hear whispers, she left doing this, she was not in a mood to do this, Her MIL gossip, that she never does whatever I say to her.
When her parents ask, she says I'm very happy doing great. All is good I have been able to make my place in my family, all are very happy. But she knows deep inside her that things are not so goody-goody, which is trying to portray to her parents.
Her relatives Buas, Masi, chaha's call her until a few months as they understand that this is settling period, but she is always remains busy with the in-laws family, gradually they stop calling her, and start asking for her well being from her mother and father only. By now, they start blaming her that she forgets us, don't stay in touch, never makes any call.
So she lost touch with her extended family whom we generally call Masi's, Mama's, Bhua's, Tau's and many more cusions, who used to be her best friends before marriage.
By 2 years of marriage, she managed to settle with the in-laws family routine and tries to move ahead in her profession and searching for a professional jump, but unfortunately again, no support, this time she hears the words of family planning from everyone, her family, her in-laws family her hubby and neighbors too!
This time the level of frustration reaches to a stage where she feels that why should I become a spare goat every time. There is no one who will take care of her baby as everyone is busy in their lives, including her hubby too!
No help will come to her ever, weather this way or the other way. I really feel pity for this vicious circle of our Indian society where it's only the women who is to be blamed for everything which went wrong, but never got solace or co-operation from anyone in her family.
Still, she maintains a warm smile on her face and never speak ill about her state with anyone around, because she still cares for her family. She doesn't want her kids to be affected by the daily fights and small matters to become public.
She doesn't have time for her best friends, office
buddies or parties or to pursue her hobbies, she is busy making her husband's
friends as his friends, his hubby's family her family.
Then at night
the hubby wants his time when she comes early to bed to spend time with him,
she again hears list of few things which were told to her are not completed....
Then hubby says "Ok, I'm sleeping"
Is there
anyone who can come to help her? No!!! All she is judged is the way he is
working, but no one comes to her help, Reason - If she gets help how will she
learn to take up responsibilities. It is a thought from the old school that its
only the lady who will have to manage home, but this only stands true until
she isn't working. Now, when she is working in stressful, competitive world,
how in-laws can actually expect that she will have to do all the cooking,
washing and other chores and then please hubby and in-laws too!
The Indian
Girl feels: I will be able to transform my in-laws gradually, she feels that they
will understand her one day, and remain quiet and continue to do all the daily
chores along with her stressful job without complaints.
After six
months,
I want to ask everyone when an organization cannot
work with one person, then how can we expect family to work with one person and
that is "Woman" "Wife" "Daughter-in-law"....
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